Shadow Integration 101: Projection and Judgments

Most of the women who join The Whole Soul Way program NEVER want to be called selfish.

Or lazy.

Or disrespectful.

Or mean.

Like they abhor those things––and they feel disgusted at the idea that anyone would say that about them.

And they get uncomfortable when we get to the point in The Whole Soul Way program where we talk about the "Cherished Self" and they learn that what we find offensive or repulsive in another is mirroring a part of us that's also in us.  😱

That we may do our best to NEVER be that way, but it's there in our unconscious mind.

I know.

Yuck.

I've faced those shadow parts in me, so I know.

I promise you it's only because it's SO crucial to you loving yourself, loving others, and feeling whole and comfortable in your own skin that I encourage women to explore the ways we cut off from parts of ourselves.

And I don't want you to miss out on really GETTING this.

Think of it this way––if you reject aspects of yourself, you're perpetuating the wounds of rejection that you experienced through the socialization process.

And self-rejection hurt us. To truly love ourselves, we have to learn to welcome the parts of ourselves we fear are unlovable.

I was in therapy with my husband and I brought up my judgment about him being materialistic.

Our therapist did what a good therapist would do and she helped me to explore the deeper reason behind my judgement, not teach us how to communicate better about my judgment, or tell him to stop being so materialistic.

She invited me to "meet" the materialistic part in me.

Turns out, it wasn't that scary or awful. Turns out, this part was just one of many parts of me.

I have generous, selfless parts too.

I didn't BECOME materialistic.

And, interestingly, turns out my husband wasn't nearly as materialistic as I had labeled him to be.

That's how projection works. We project things onto others in a much more exaggerated way.

I love projection and welcome judging!

In The Whole Soul Way™ Program, I teach about allowing a drop of that "negative" characteristic.

This helps us to find more balance and peace as we slowly integrate that aspect and allow it to be present in our lives.

>>> If you're always selfless, maybe a drop of selfishness will help you set a boundary or stand up for yourself.

>>> If you're always busy, maybe a drop of laziness will allow you to indulge in a lazy and unproductive Sunday and find it nourishes your soul in a way that nothing else could.

For me, integrating materialism and bringing in a drop of being materialistic at times **gasp** has given me the space to appreciate a little material indulgence without guilt.

• Such as flying on JSX airlines where we drop our car off at the valet, grab a coffee, and walk onto the plane. And when we land, our rental car is waiting for us.
• Or my La Canadienne suede rain boots so I can dress cute even when it's raining.
• Or my Patagonia puffer jacket which I adore because it's soft and makes me feel so cozy and warm and held (this link is not an affiliate link, it's just a link to my favorite puffer jacket ever).

When it comes to integrating our shadows, what's really awesome is that as you allow yourself to shine a light on the shadow, you find that there is this really delicious middle space where we don't need to deny anything and we also don't have to become anything.

We free up so much energy that was needed to NOT be something.

And we find this sweet spot called wholeness.

Wholeness is so yummy and is how we feel more alive and connected.

"Embracing our dark side gives us a new found freedom to be with the darkness in others. For when I can love all of me, I will love all of you.”- Debbie Ford