From Exhausted to Enlivened

I spent a lot of my life with the persona of being “nice” and “a good listener” and “adaptable” and “tolerant” and “flexible”. With women in my life, I was a people pleaser, the helper, the hero. Underneath that, at times, I was angry, judgmental, resentful and lacking the connection I craved. But this persona kept me feeling safe.

Fortunately it was also exhausting, kept me separate and required me to abandon myself.

Why fortunately?

Because the pain of inauthenticity grew to be so uncomfortable, that I had to find the most real and true me.

Speaking from experience, it requires so much courage to be our most true selves, to risk not belonging to any group, to bravely step forward without the (false) protection of our masks and personas. And yet, it’s the most enlivening thing we can do.

It’s still a practice, I can still feel the allure of popping on a mask so I can fit in. I can still feel the fear that arises when I stand in the nakedness of the most real me in public ways. And yet, I can’t go back.

The groups and tribes and labels and boxes are all too confining and layer too many assumptions upon me that no longer fit.

We’re all verbs. We’re not nouns. We need the space to evolve, to grow and to keep becoming more and more of who we came here to be.

When the caterpillar becomes a butterfly, she must go through a painful transition in the chrysalis and struggle to get out. And when a baby is birthed, he must go through the dark and tight birth canal before being brought into the light.

Birthing the most true Self that we are is not without discomfort. But we can do hard stuff. And it’s worth it!

​To all of you on this path…I salute you! How’s it been for you? Please share in the comments below!